Office Adventures
by countingthenights
Summary: Semi-AU where Unit 1's biggest worry is trying to convince Inspector Ginoza to play strip poker with them after hours because whoever gets Ginoza's glasses earns the title of Most Respected Person in the entire building. A collection of sometimes loosely related, usually unrelated ficlets, various pairings.
1. positive thinking

**Note**: Originally posted to tumblr months ago, based on an Otomedia translation and crack conversations. Hit a writer's block and/or got lazy, spent the afternoon editing instead of writing, and voilà: a ficlet collection is born.

**Summary**: Akane blackmails Ginoza into going on a date with her. This can't go well.

* * *

__positive thinking_

"Ginoza-san, remember when you called me a child and tried to overstep your authority as my senior? I have an official complaint typed out. I also missed a movie outing with my friends when you called me in for overtime work last weekend. They told me it was really good afterwards, but it wouldn't be any fun to watch it alone. Make your choice."

It wasn't a difficult decision to make, really. It took him all of five seconds to decide that Inspector Tsunemori was not joking, she was dead serious and meant business, it would not be in his best interests to suggest that she go for a Psycho-Pass check in case the stress was getting to her, and hey, it was just a movie. It was a very simple solution to many problems, and he really shouldn't be asking for more in this line of work where everything was unnecessarily complicated.

Just to be cautious, he called up the results of her latest Hue check anyway, done by a street scanner as she left the building right after getting his answer. No, she was perfectly fine, her Hue was still Powder Blue.

This just made it all the more terrifying, since she just uttered a threat with a genuinely pleasant face. He made a note to (surreptitiously) check her Crime Coefficient the next time they broke out the Dominators.

* * *

Saturday morning saw Ginoza Nobuchika arriving at the designated meeting spot at 9.55 am sharp. He had planned out his entire schedule such that his day begun with him waking up at 7.00am, getting on the train at 9.00 am and getting off the train at 9.50 am.

He exited the train station at 9.55am, just as planned. 5 minutes early, as was his habit. It was generally considered as good manners to be 5 minutes early. It was certainly far more polite than making the other party wait. And it had always worked, because no one that Ginoza associated with would actually show up earlier than the agreed time.

Well, except for Tsunemori Akane, apparently.

He nearly stopped short when he saw that a petite, well-dressed young lady with short brown hair was standing by the holographic display sign and sneaking glances at her watch. This prompted him to check his own watch. 09:54:56… 09:54:57… He was on schedule, meaning that he was early as usual.

He just didn't expect her to be earlier.

"Inspector Tsunemori," he greeted stiffly as he closed the distance between them.

She looked up cheerfully. "Good morning, Ginoza-san. You're early."

"Not as early as you," he replied with a tinge of annoyance that he couldn't completely camouflage.

Inspector Tsunemori smiled up at him. "You seemed like the type who would be early, so I left early."

Ginoza raised an eyebrow at her statement. "And you did this based on a conjecture that I did not like being tardy?"

"Well, no, I noticed that you always arrived for your shift early so I thought you must have a habit of being early."

His junior was more perceptive and scary than he had first thought. He definitely made a wise decision in not turning her down. "As a matter of fact, yes, I do."

She clapped her hands together happily. "So I was right about that! Shall we head over to the cinema now?"

According to his watch, it was now 9.58 am. He had allocated 7 more minutes for them to exchange pleasantries in his plan for the day, until 10.05 am. They were ahead of schedule.

Although with Inspector Tsunemori looking expectantly at him like this, he couldn't say that. He wasn't running the show today, she was.

He pushed his glasses back up. "Let's go."

* * *

At 10.15 am, the weekend crowd had not yet filled the cinema, but there were a few scattered groups of people milling around the atrium while waiting for the theaters to start seating. 'Groups' meaning 'pairs'. 'Pairs' meaning 'couples'.

That description suspiciously fitted them at the moment, as they hung around the vicinity of a pillar. Inspector Tsunemori had put her back to it and was checking their electronic tickets on her watch.

"What movie are we watching?" Ginoza asked suddenly, more to fill the awkward silence than out of any real curiosity.

"Mm, 'Fate Fulfilled'." Inspector Tsunemori pointed at one of the hovering holographic displays that was showing a trailer for said movie.

That wasn't necessary, because Ginoza had heard of the movie. The gist of the plot was that two people who had been in love were matched together by the Sibyl System, but had their results altered illegally by a mutual friend who turned out to be a latent criminal. Predictably, the story ended happily. The concept wasn't new, but the movie was still a popular choice among teenage girls and young couples, especially for dates.

When he thought that last part, everything that led up to him being here suddenly looked different.

"Inspector Tsunemori."

"Yes?"

"Is this a d-," he couldn't bring himself to finish the question. This was extremely awkward, but he really had to ask or he wouldn't be able to relax for the rest of the day. For all he knew it could be just his imagination running wild on him. Yes. There was probably nothing to worry about at all. So he tried again. "Is this a date?"

He thought she'd laugh at him, but she merely looked at him quizzically, putting a finger to her chin thoughtfully as though he had asked something of great importance. "Why wouldn't it be?" she asked innocently.

There went his hope of spending the afternoon doing some quiet reading. Time for some last minute changes to the plan. Never let it be said that Ginoza was a terrible date, even if he was blackmailed into it.

And he couldn't honestly say that Inspector Tsunemori wasn't his type. But he wouldn't say that she was either, unless under threat of blackmail more severe than making a complaint about his poor choice of words.

"Ah, the movie is about to start! Let's go, Ginoza-san!" Momentarily forgetting about the awkward question and the even more awkward reply, his date (he should start thinking of her as his date, shouldn't he?) seized his arm and half-dragged him over to where the usher had begun to admit his fellow moviegoers, never mind that there was a significant height difference that made walking decidedly uncomfortable for Ginoza.

* * *

To give credit where credit was due, there was a very high production value in the movie. Some artistic direction that made clichéd lines more bearable, use of the immersion experience technology that didn't just focus on visuals and audio, and the like. Although overall, the movie was certainly not Ginoza's cup of tea.

"That was a good movie, wasn't it?" Inspector Tsunemori asked as she removed her headset.

He should also be relieved that she wasn't the sentimental type that needed comforting during emotional scenes or felt the need to hold on to her date's arm throughout the entire 89 minutes.

"Ginoza-san?"

Right, he had to remove the immersion experience headset. He did, belatedly, and caught Inspector Tsunemori looking at him expectantly. "What?"

"I asked how you found the movie."

He looked to his other side, deliberately avoiding her gaze. The seat was empty and most of audience had already left. "It was very unrealistic. I don't know what I was expecting in the first place."

Yes, unrealistic. What were the odds that the male lead, who grew up being ostracized by other children because his mother was confined in an isolation facility, could meet the female lead who would effortlessly change everything for the better with the power of love? The pieces fell together too nicely. And more importantly, Ginoza didn't believe in something as vague as 'the power of love'.

Inspector Tsunemori visibly pouted. "You say that, but I bet you found it touching anyway."

He decided that it was imperative that she didn't find out how close to the truth she was.

"No, but it was entertaining, regardless."

Seemingly appeased, her pout disappeared and was replaced by a beam. "Wasn't it? You should watch more movies, Ginoza-san."

His first thought was 'no thank you', but before he could voice it, it occurred to him that this was a reply fraught with complications. Did she mean that he should watch more movies on his own, or with her? "I'll think about it."

Judging from her expression, that wasn't the answer she wanted to hear. Well, it was fortunate that he didn't say the first thing he thought of, then.

* * *

They left the cinema at 12.14 pm, and headed to a rooftop cafe in the area on Inspector Tsunemori's recommendation. They were seated at 12.33 pm, and placed their orders at 12.41 pm. That made them slightly behind schedule, though acceptably so. Ginoza wasn't the type to suddenly lose all direction in life if something barely noticeable was off, in case he gave the impression that he was.

Their orders were delivered to them at 12.45 pm. They were back on schedule again.

"So, Ginoza-san," began Inspector Tsunemori as she stabbed idly at her pastry, "is there someone you like?"

Ginoza nearly spat out his ice water. It was with some effort that he swallowed it instead – and choked on it.

"Are you alright, Ginoza-san?"

He coughed a few times and waved his hand to stop her from getting out of her chair. After clearing his throat and ascertaining that there was no lasting damage, he replied. "Yes."

"That's great. You still haven't answered my question though."

This time he was in the process of wiping up the water that he spilled with a serviette, and he froze upon hearing her return to the topic. "I don't think that's any of your business, Inspector Tsunemori."

She pouted. No, it wasn't cute. He should stop associating such words with her. "I'm just curious."

He discarded the serviette and pushed up his glasses to fix her with his sternest look. "It remains none of your business, but the answer is no."

Inspector Tsunemori seemed to cheer up upon hearing that, and she poked at her pastry more enthusiastically. He took it as a good sign and started on his own slice of pie.

"What do you usually do in your free time, Ginoza-san?"

"Why do you ask?"

She shrugs, twirling her fork absently before setting it down beside her plate. "I feel like I don't know very much about you even though we both work in the same unit as Inspectors."

Fair enough. He never did tell her much about himself. "Nothing much. I don't have many hobbies, unlike you."

"Surely you have at least one?"

"Inspector Tsunemori, please remember that I was the only Inspector in the unit before you were assigned here."

She faltered at that. "… That's right. Was it very busy for you back then?"

"Yes."

Whatever she was about to said in response was cut off as his watch beeped, indicating an incoming call. The interface showed that it was from Kougami Shinya.

He answered it. "What is it, Kougami?"

"_We've got a lead on the case."_

Ginoza closed his eyes for a moment to collect his thoughts. "Understood. I'll be there soon."

He cut the call and returned his attention to Inspector Tsunemori, whose expression was a mixture of curiosity and patience. "There's an update on the case. We have to go back to the MWPSB."

She nodded calmly and stood.

* * *

The taxi stopped again for the – how many times was it anyway? Ginoza wasn't counting. At least they were nearing the MWPSB building, and the traffic wasn't bad for a Saturday afternoon.

Neither he nor Inspector Tsunemori had spoken since they boarded the vehicle. They were both in the backseat, but they each took one car window and stared out of it for the duration of the journey.

Not that he minded the silence. Really, he didn't.

"Sorry for making you go back to work on your off day."

Inspector Tsunemori jerked in surprise, blinking her large eyes as she turned away from the window. "It's alright, Ginoza-san. You're also going back on your off day, aren't you?"

The taxi resumed its onward progress towards their destination. Ginoza watched the scenery flash by as they accelerated. "I'm already used to it."

"I see." Her voice sounded uncertain, as though she didn't quite believe it or would rather it not be true.

What he meant was that he was sorry that he had to interrupt their date, because she truly seemed to be enjoying herself despite the awkwardness between them. But it didn't come out right, and silence blanketed them again.

Eventually, they arrived at the MWPSB. _Finally._ The taxi drove off, and they made their way towards the main entrance purposefully.

"Is there anything else that you need, Inspector Tsunemori?" Ginoza asked before he could reconsider it. He'd never ask if he thought too much about it.

The other Inspector gave him a confused look, before comprehension seemed to dawn on her. "Oh, about the complaint? I deleted the draft last night. I never planned to send it from the start."

What came over him was surely a cross between relief and irritation. Why did women have to be so complicated? Although it was his fault for snapping to begin with, she could have made her intentions clear from the start.

Although since it was his fault to begin with, he shouldn't expect much more. "Regardless of that, is there anything else?"

She pondered his question carefully, taking her time even though they were nearly at the entrance and thus within earshot of the receptionist. "I suppose it'd be nice to actually hear an apology… but you already went out with me today so it's not fair to ask for one… Ah, I got it!"

Inspector Tsunemori bounded up the last few steps and grinned unabashedly at him over her shoulder. "Next time, Ginoza-san, you could ask me out instead."

It was official.

Someday Tsunemori Akane was going to be the death of him.

* * *

_End_

**Bonus**: Imagine Kougami's face when they walk into the office. Imagine Kagari whistling and Kunizuka whacking him for being rude. _Imagine Masaoka crying with happiness that his Nobuchika finally got himself a girlfriend._

Also, note that not every ficlet will be this long because the writer is the laziest person you have the misfortune to meet.


	2. proxy

**Note**: As the tradition goes, every year I gift myself a fic for my birthday. Or in this case, edit a fic. The crack begins.

**Summary**: The long laborious process of talking Akane-chan into playing strip poker (or not really).

* * *

__proxy_

Kagari was lounging on her desk like it belonged to him. That was nothing new.

"You look terrible today, Akane-chan!"

This was.

"Sorry, Kagari-kun. The power in my apartment went out so I was up half the night trying to fix it." Akane could imagine how she looked. Probably like one of those animals, what were they called again? Oh yes, pandas.

Kagari pouted. "So, did you fix it?"

She shook her head, and winced as the motion sent stabbing pains through her head. "The landlord said that he'd have it fixed by the weekend though. In the meantime, I'll just stay at my parents' place."

"Hmm…" Kagari tossed his jellybean into the air while eyeing her contemplatively. "Isn't that far from here? Don't you have to travel a long way here and back?"

"It can't be helped. It's only for two days anyway." Akane tried to smile to put him at ease. Judging by the revolted look on his face, it probably looked ghastly with the bags under her eyes.

Kagari popped the jellybean into his mouth and chewed. "Hey, Akane-chan, why don't you stay with me until then?" His eyes lit up as though he suddenly thought of something. "We can play Battlefield all night!"

Akane winced again as his declaration sent another wave of pain through her head. "I don't think that's a good idea, Kagari-kun. But thanks for the offer." Staying up all night kind of defeated the point of moving in, didn't it?

Kagari pouted some more. "If you don't want to play Battlefield, we can play strip poker!"

She was sure she heard the distinct sound of someone spitting out his coffee from somewhere to her left. "S-strip poker?" she asked.

"Did someone say strip poker?" Shion interrupted. She prodded Kagari to the side so she could sit on the desk as well. "Count me in."

"No way, you always win."

Shion mimed a shocked face. "My, my, Shuu-kun. Keeping the cutie all to yourself…" She winked at Akane and leaned in, whispering behind her hand, "He doesn't like it when I play for keeps."

She could imagine that, Shion looking over a pile of clothing and picking out something to keep. Then her sleep-deprived mind inadvertently wandered over to what Shion could have possibly taken from Kagari.

"If you're coming, then you have to invite Yayoi-chan and Kou-chan too! It's no fun when we're the only ones stripping," Kagari grumbled, reaching for another jellybean from the jar that he always kept within his reach.

Akane stared at them both nervously. They were already talking like it was settled. "Uh, I don't think I'll be very good at it…" she hedged.

"Don't worry, Akane-chan! Kou-chan will play for you." Her 'senpai in life' exchanged looks with Shion and they high-fived each other. That didn't help her feel any better.

"Huh?" What did that mean?

Shion supplied the explanation. "He means that you play, Shinya-kun strips."

This time Akane was sure that she heard two different people spitting out their coffee, one slightly behind her and to her left, the other in front of her and blocked from her view by the two people occupying her desk.

Kagari snickered. Shion leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, "But don't try too hard, alright? I don't have anything from him in my collection yet."

Someone coughed. Akane made a mental note to keep her personal information from Kagari starting from now.

* * *

"Let's draw straws to see who invites Gino-san to play with us!"

Akane drew. Kougami drew. Yayoi drew. Shion drew. Kagari opened his hand to check the length of his straw.

"EHH? WHY AM I THE ONE WHO HAS TO ASK?"

"Your idea, you lost, now go," chided Yayoi, hardly looking up from her guitar catalog.

Shion clapped her hands together. "We're counting on you, Shuu-kun!" she said, a tad too gleefully. Then she dropped her voice and added, "I've always wanted to add his glasses to my collection."

Kagari rolled his chair backwards to wave at Ginoza. "Yo! Gino-san~"

"No."

"SO MEAN! I HAVEN'T EVEN SAID ANYTHING!"

* * *

_End_

I actually liked this one. But then I usually like the last thing I write.


	3. fictitious

**Note**: No I have not written anything that is not an essay in more than a month.

**Summary**: Just because Ginoza isn't a latent criminal, doesn't mean he can't tell when you're fibbing.

* * *

__fictitious_

"So the men's room happened to lock itself."

"Yup!"

"With two people inside it."

"Seems like it!"

"With one of them being of the opposite gender."

"Uh-huh!"

"With the keycard mysteriously hiding itself in Kougami's files, when Kougami was obviously unable to return to his room."

"You already know that, Gino-san!"

Ginoza leveled an unimpressed look at the latent criminal standing in front of his desk. The aforementioned latent criminal looked completely relaxed, amused even, resting his hands behind his head and grinning as though he wasn't receiving a lecture at the moment. The Inspector turned to his right, where a harried-looking Tsunemori Akane was typing furiously on her tablet, ignorant of the fact that the back of her head resembled one of the leafier plants on his desk right then.

"Inspector Tsunemori, how much paperwork do you have due this week?"

The youngest person in the room gave a startled jerk and looked over. "Well, there's the report on replacement of stun batons, the report on case location trends, the application for use of training facilities next month, the report for renewal of Enforcers' permits, the application for…"

Ginoza turned to the other victim of Kagari's machinations. "What about you, Kougami?"

Contrary to Akane, the Enforcer just took a long drag on his cigarette before answering. "Just the report on last week's incident."

That sounded like an appropriate punishment. Ginoza went back to glaring at Kagari. "You will be completing the reports for them."

"Ehhhh? But Gino-san, you know I hate paperwork! And suck at it too." Kagari put on a pleading face that had a 40% tried-and-tested probability of success – meaning it only ever worked on two members of the unit. And even with these two members, the success rate wasn't 100%, so really, if you wanted to count properly, it was more like 20%.

Unfortunately for him, Ginoza was among the 60% who had never been persuaded and probably never would. "Since you like telling stories so much, you should work on improving your language abilities."

Kagari sulked and dragged his feet all the way back to his workstation. Masaoka winced in sympathy.

"Oh, Kagari? More than five errors and you'll have to redo them."

Damn it.

* * *

That wasn't his plan really.

Sure, he'd planned to lock someone up in the washroom today, but that was only because it seemed fun and besides, the custodian on the afternoon shift called in sick so it was an even better opportunity to lock someone in there and toss the keycard because no one in the ministry would know where the spare was. He never intended for _two_ people to be in there.

But Gino-san's meeting was really, really, _really_ boring. Amazingly, mind-numbingly boring. It had gotten to the point where Kagari was downing coffee by the mug, not just for the caffeine, but so that he'd have something to do while Gino-san was droning on and on (and on and on and on and on… you get the idea. And hah, droning. Like his precious drones.).

Three mugs of coffee and half a jar of jellybeans later, Gino-san finally called a break, which was the signal for a mass exodus as everyone took the chance to wake themselves up by taking a walk or splashing their face with water, whichever worked for them. Kagari was the first one out and had been planning to be the last one back in, because he refused to return to the hellhole until absolutely necessary. Which resulted in him loitering somewhat suspiciously outside the restrooms.

It was just too good to pass up. Akane-chan had come out of the ladies', chided him for hanging around as she passed by the door to the men's… and he knew Kou-chan was still inside, probably smoking. Things… happened, and the next thing he knew, he was locking the door and bolting like his life depended on it.

Of course, Gino-san was probably mad because he took a detour up to Kou-chan's room to ditch the keycard _before_ reporting that Inspector Tsunemori and Enforcer Kougami were trapped in the washroom.

And in Kagari's opinion, he had no right to be. It's not like Akane-chan and Kou-chan suffered from being locked in together. And that opinion wasn't completely baseless, because there was no way simply being locked up could cause two people to emerge so ruffled when they didn't even try to break the door down.

(And, you know, it's not like Gino-san could be mad about calling for a drone to remove the door before Kunicchi had the good sense to check the surveillance cameras, or anything. He got to see his precious drones, and the door wasn't harmed in the end. No, that was absolutely no reason to give Kagari more paperwork.)

* * *

Kagari's pleading look wasn't completely ineffective, though. It had some effect. The only problem was, it was on the wrong target.

"Oi, Nobuchika, don't you think you're a bit harsh on him? He's just a kid after all."

The look that Ginoza leveled on his father could be accurately described as 'frightening', 'blood-chilling', and 'taking after his mother'. Yes yes, the boy most definitely took after his mother.

"If you want to be a father so badly, why don't you begin by teaching Kagari about appropriate workplace behavior?" Ginoza suggested acidly, maintaining eye contact for a few frosty seconds to make his point.

Ouch. Masaoka scratched the back of his head with his normal hand as he pondered his next statement. "He can handle himself fine."

"You call his behavior fine? He caused a substantial disruption during work hours!"

At his workstation, Kagari snickered, and added a line to the top of Kougami's report.

_fyi gino-san, yuor dad helped me steal the keycard_

* * *

_End_


End file.
